One mom’s experience with work travel and the first nights being apart from baby since she was born… Quick summary – it wasn’t as difficult as expected!
I had to go work temporarily for one month in the US. Hubby decided to take time off from his work as vacation days in order that the baby could come with me for the month, and so he could take care of the baby while I would be in the office.
In a “two birds, one stone” effort, he also planned to visit his family while he was in the US with the goal of his family being able to spend time with the baby, but also secretly (or not so secretly) to get support in taking care of the baby during the long days I’d be at the office. And 10 hours is a long day for someone who is usually in the office himself and not used to taking care of the baby all day! He booked flights to visit his family for 8 days and my immediate reaction was “how will I ever make it through 8 days of not seeing the baby!”. So I then went and bought tickets to fly there over the weekend, so it would only be approximately 5.5897 days that we would be apart (just kidding – but only a little bit).
Planning distractions
I also scheduled a very long hair coloring and cutting appointment one evening, and a dinner with friends another evening in order to fill up the time that I would have to myself and be wondering what the baby was doing and how she was doing, and missing her deeply and just wanting to hug and squeeze her little body and chubby cheeks!
As it goes, very surprisingly, I became so engrossed in the me that I was before I had a baby, I was actually OK. I mean, I genuinely wasn’t thinking about her all the time and wondering how she was, and wishing that I was with her. I was so wrapped up in all the conversations, meetings, decisions that I had to make at work that I managed the days just fine.
Physiological changes
I was reminded how stressed I used to get at work. I realized physiologically I was changing – I had a tense knot in my stomach and my shoulders were up tight around my neck. I was walking very quickly and scarfing down whatever food was left in the cafeteria for lunch when I went down there at 3pm. I was strategizing and making tactical decisions, agenda-setting in meetings and conversations and having to think logically and maintain a flow from start to finish in my thoughts and communications. This had been a challenge in previous months – “baby brain” had felt like a very real thing for me. So these work-life skills were all things I had largely, for better and for worse, forgotten about and gotten out of practice with during the previous 11 months while I had been out of the office. But it was reassuring to learn that they returned fairly quickly.
The other physiological difference was that after 2 days my milk supply had gone down a lot. At this stage I had only been breastfeeding about 3 times per day, once when we woke up, once in the afternoon and once before bed. I decided not to pump since the baby is now almost 11.5 months old and I feel that, for me, this is a good length of time to have been the provider of so many nutrient goodness for the baby. She has many other sources of nutrients now from the wide variety of foods that she eats – and she is a good eater – eats a lot and not picky!
I have no guilt about finishing up breastfeeding, as some moms do when they finish breastfeeding. I do, however, have some sadness that “my baby isn’t a baby anymore”. I mean, yes, she is still a baby, but it’s not that same tight, inseparable bond that we had when she was dependent upon me for the milk (not completely dependent obviously since of course there is formula and, after 6 months, other foods). There is a process of letting go there. And this is also good practice for the future when there will be many more “let them go and grow” situations.
Reconnecting with the pre-baby ‘me’
It was liberating and empowering to be using my work skills again. It was refreshing to connect with the self that I was before the baby. It was enjoyable not rushing home to take the baby from the carer, and being able to take an extravagant 15 minutes to pick some cheeses and a wine that I would have for dinner as I used to do in my single days – no fuss, no cooking (also not healthy, I agree, but very enjoyable!).
Definitely easier than expected
So for any mothers out there dreading and worrying about their first time spending more than some hours during the day apart from their baby, please feel reassured that this mother, at least, found the experience to be a positive one.
I find this to be the case not least of all because – the same with most things in life – once I have been able to do it once, it becomes much less scary the next time. This creates space and opportunity for many more things than I would have said yes to in previous months. And I openly invite and look forward to these new opportunities!
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